In recent years, gray divorce has become significantly more common. People in their 50s or beyond decide to end a marriage that may have lasted for decades. Gray divorces have the potential to be socially and financially devastating, especially when spouses employ a scorched-earth approach.
Gray divorce can result in a protracted legal battle that damages other relationships and consumes a significant portion of the marital estate by generating litigation expenses. While gray divorce can be a stressful, messy process, it may be a more amicable process if the spouses take the right approach.
1. Set reasonable expectations by learning about the law
In many gray divorce scenarios, both spouses come to the negotiation table with unrealistic demands. One spouse expects to keep the entirety of their pension or retirement savings, or a dependent spouse demands an unrealistic amount of spousal maintenance.
Reviewing state statutes and discussing personal circumstances at length can help people approach the process with realistic goals. They can then avoid fighting unnecessarily and over unattainable terms.
2. Work cooperatively instead of fighting
While divorce is often an indicator of an unhealthy or unsatisfying relationship dynamic, the end of a marriage does not have to leave the former spouses as embittered enemies. However, conflict during divorce can worsen the relationship between spouses.
Approaching divorce from an adversarial standpoint doesn’t just affect the spouses. It can also have a major impact on their adult children and their grandchildren. Their broader social network, including their friends, neighbors and faith community, may also feel compelled to take sides in an acrimonious divorce scenario. Trying to keep things calm and attempting to work together is often a better approach than viewing one another as enemies to be defeated in court.
3. Find healthy outlets for the likely emotional fallout
Some people breathe a deep sigh of relief when they begin the divorce process. After years of stressful living arrangements, they can finally prioritize their personal peace.
Even those who are excited about life after a divorce or grateful for the end of a marriage are likely to experience anger, grief and a host of other complex emotions during the rest of the divorce. If spouses don’t find a healthy way to process those emotions, they could boil over with little warning at inopportune moments.
They may end up fighting with one another unnecessarily or may snap at other people who simply care about them and want to help. Counseling and support groups can both prove useful for people to process their feelings so that they manage their closest relationships well throughout the divorce process.
Having the right help when preparing for a gray divorce may make it easier for people to handle the process effectively. Spouses who learn about the divorce process and handle it as calmly as possible may minimize the long-term consequences of the divorce.
